I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
