perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
