pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
