yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
