Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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