i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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