he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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