I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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