you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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