How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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