I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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