That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
