Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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