every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
