the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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