Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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