i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
