I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
