what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
