epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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