I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
