my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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