So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
