gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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