You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
