Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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