1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
