my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
