you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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