If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
