Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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