the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
