Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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