he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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