Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
