I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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