Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
