why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did i walk over a car last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
