They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
