like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
