um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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