I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
