Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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