I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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