it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
