you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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