Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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