Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
