She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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