have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
