oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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