Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
