I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
